Sleeping Tips

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In South Jordan, Utah, people have several strategies for getting a good night’s sleep. Some are elaborate and involve multiple steps that can take days, while newer plans can take effect in as little as 3.7 seconds. If you are a citizen of South Jordan and are suffering from the inability to fall asleep or trouble staying asleep, here are some tips and tricks that may be useful:

#1: The Wear-Out

The point of this exercise is to make your body so tired that it will need sleep in order to recover. Start by lacing up your favorite pair of running shoes, grabbing a jump rope and heading outside. Sprint up and down the driveway 12 times. Then get out the jump rope and jump until you can’t breathe. Once you reach that point, fall on the grass, reclaim your breath and repeat five times. Go back inside and go straight to bed without changing. You’ll fall asleep in approximately two hours.

#2: It’s all in the Eyes

Before going to bed, tire out your eyes by not blinking. To do this effectively, hole your eyes open for two minutes, shut them tight and then repeat for the next hour. Your eyes will be so tired at the end, that they’ll never open, which means you could be asleep for days.

#3: Combine Mental Exhaustion and Boredom

This trick involves a series of boring activities. Start by scrubbing the kitchen walls with a child’s toothbrush while listening to a political talk show. Next put on an episode of General Hospital. If that doesn’t do the trick, learn how to recite the alphabet backwards. If that doesn’t work, learn the Thai alphabet and recite it backwards. Hopefully one of these activities will make you just drop and fall asleep wherever you are.

#4: Mattress Dealzz

Despite the popularity of these South Jordan sleeping tips, many locals are still suffering from restless nights. Recently, it was discovered that driving to 10467 South Redwood Road and leaving with a mattress does two things: (1) it actually cures sleepless nights, and (2) it keeps your wallet from starving.

Stop trying tips one through three hoping that they will work. If you have trouble falling or staying asleep and instead, you would like to fall asleep in about 3.7 seconds, come on down to Mattress Dealzz.